my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
They took my balls.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
