Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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