Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
