nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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