I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
