She said her name was "party"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
