The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
this beer tastes like vomit already
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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