Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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