new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
