Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This is my life. Enjoy the view
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
