Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
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