I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
