if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
me + whiskey = a bad person
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
