I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
