I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
