after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
