worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
