My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
