Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
