brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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