"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
we should paint friendship bongs
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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