i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
