Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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