I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
