went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
