so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
