You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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