Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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