Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
