I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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