Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
