and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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