I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
