You really coming over, don't trick.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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