Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
