You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
