took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
