is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
