I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
