I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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