Just cropdusted the office
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
