he shaved USA in his pubs
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
