Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
