peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Every concussion has its silver lining
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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