Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
