if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the condom got lost in my hair
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
