The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
