his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
