There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
