oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
