margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My brain says no but my pants say off.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
