Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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