i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
