I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
