I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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