smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
