i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
