Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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