You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
