ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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