how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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